Motherhood is a gift.

Jennifer Hudson

Motherhood is a gift...oh yes it is! It is a gift of bodily destruction and emotional mayhem. In fact I received a different gift each time I gave birth. Let me run down my gift list. The first gift I received was 14 years ago from my first born A.R. (I'm using his initials to spare him the embarrassment of Mom-teenager association) his gift was just what a 23 year old first time mother would want. A set of saggy deflated boobs! I knew with my teabag titties  (as my friend Robin would refer to them) that I would be destined to a life of push up bras and chicken cutlet looking replacement prostheses. Feeling like I was having a mid life crisis, I made a decision do what any American 23 year old woman that is totally immersed in her body would do, I went under the knife. I traded in my less than A size tea bags titties for a pair of full C size teardrop boobies (that's what they actually called my implants teardrop's). Thinking I had permanently dodged a body bullet I thought it was safe enough to enter into mommy hood again. 5 1/2 years later I gave birth to my darling middle child Elias Lewis. At 10 lbs 5 ounces at birth Elias Lewis gave me the instant gift of abdominal stretchmarks. Ahhh...what thoughtfulness on his behalf. Another gift for me to treasure and again show off! I left the hospital with my stomach looking like a road map of peaks and valleys made up of loose skin and underlying muscle indentations. The fix so I thought, in this situation would be to buy and use a host of body butters. I tried cocoa butter, shea butter, almond butter and I hate to admit even a little crisco. Nothing worked to eliminate these ugly tiger stripes however, over time they did diminish and at 28 years old I felt like I was already ancient enough to not care as much. I figured I keep these battle scars and live a life of one piece swim suits with the occasional tankini (thank God for tankini's).  On to present day, which is eight years later to the birth of my sweet Jonathan. My gratis gift baby or so I thought. I never thought I would have to incur anymore body inflictions but I did. Little Jonathan Xavier gave me my greatest mommy body gift so far. I am now the proud recipient of wider hips. Yay me!!!  I already had wide enough hips to begin with...do I really need more to contend with? I guess so because now 2 months later I am still wearing my maternity jeans! I can't fit into my size 6 skinny jeans, boot cut jeans or even my old reliable jeggings! So now the reasonble fix would be to buy a new pair of jeans in a different size right? Heck no! I'm embarrassed to admit but I don't want to buy double the size I was before the baby. I feel it would be some sort of commitment to buy a pair of size 12 jeans. No offense to all you size twelver's out there but I have a closet full of size six's that miss my body and my body misses them! I just secretly hope we can one day build a relationship again (sigh). All of this wondering just leaves me with one thought... When did I trade places with Jennifer Hudson?